No Timeline for Healing: How Therapy Supports Survivors of Sexual Assault
Trigger Warning : This article discusses sexual assault and healing, which may be distressing to some readers. Please take care of yourself while reading.
Understanding the Aftermath of Sexual Assault
Sexual assault impacts each survivor differently, but most commonly, your sense of self and safety is shaken. Many people struggle with a deep sense of shock in the immediate aftermath, sometimes even disbelief. In my previous role, I served as an advocate attending SANE exams, helping people in the immediate aftermath of sexual assaults. Some people cried, some people laughed, some people just wanted to talk about the weather. Your body and mind struggle to process what happened, sometimes leaving you feeling numb or disconnected, or powering on through, as if nothing happened, acting like everything is fine. There is no one ‘right’ way to respond, and trust me I have seen it all.
Alongside PTSD, in the clinical world we often talk about Rape Trauma Syndrome (RTS) to help describe the stages survivors may move through after an assault. This is not a universal experience, but I do think it can be helpful in normalizing many peoples’ experience. It includes an initial acute phase - characterized by fear, shock, denial, or panic - and then a longer-term reorganization phase where survivors may struggle with anxiety, depression, flashbacks, and shifts in relationships or self-image.
This model helps normalize that trauma isn’t linear. Some people seek help immediately. Others go years before even naming what happened to them. Your timeline is yours alone.
The Days and Weeks After an Assault
In that early period after an assault, the focus is often just on survival. You may be asking yourself: Am I safe? Do I tell someone? What just happened to me? It can be a time of confusing and mixed emotions, as your body and mind try to categorize your experience and make sense of it.
Many people struggle with things such as:
Trouble sleeping or eating
Hypervigilance (being hyper aware of your surroundings) and jumpiness
A sense of disbelief or numbness
Avoidance of people, places, or reminders
Shame, guilt, or self-blame
All of this is a typical response, though it feels far from normal. If you seek therapy at this time, we would be focusing on stabilization and normalization. We don’t need to talk about what happened. You also may or may not have chosen to report to law enforcement. You might want to go over what happened as part of the making sense. Your choice is valid. Early therapy might involve grounding techniques, safety planning, and simply having a place to be believed and heard.
And it’s fine if you’re not ready for therapy in those first days or weeks. You might just want to push on, and see if you can get through this stage alone. Many people do. I think it is important to know that there are emergency resources available - crisis lines, support groups, advocates, and drop-in services can offer care while you gather strength to explore longer-term support. Many of these resources are free. Sometimes just knowing that there are options can be enough.
When It Resurfaces Later: Trauma Isn't Always Immediate
Sometimes, the full impact of trauma doesn’t hit until much later. Some people go months, years, or even decades before memories resurface or the effects are felt. Sometimes something so innocent can cause a flashback and the memories to flood back. This too is normal.
Sexual trauma can lie dormant for many reasons - our body and mind work to protect us. For some, this means that you never fully felt the grief or emotional pain, or because you didn’t have the language, or because you minimized it as “not that bad.” Something triggering - intimacy, therapy, pregnancy, parenting, a news story, or even a sight or smell - can bring old wounds to the surface.
We are also constantly learning, and it’s not uncommon for survivors to look back at experiences from adolescence or early adulthood and realize, years later, that what happened wasn’t consensual. Therapy at this stage becomes a space to explore those realizations safely. Exploring these questions, finding answers, and making sense of your experience can all help with healing.
The Power of Naming Your Experience
One of the most transformative steps in healing is being able to name what happened to you. Understanding it, naming it, and finding a way to acknowledge how it made you feel can be a huge emotional turning point.
Maybe you never called it rape because there was no force. Maybe the perpetrator is someone you love and who claims to love you. Perhaps you don’t remember fully what happened. Or maybe you convinced yourself it wasn’t “that bad.” Therapy can help unpack all of this, examining your beliefs around sexual assault, and how you have interpreted your experience up to this point. We can also challenge what society or people around you or law enforcement or even what you say to yourself about what it is and is not. We will aim to bring clarity and validation.
Naming your experience doesn’t mean drowning in it. You don’t have to sink into it and put yourself back there. But you can, if you think it would be helpful. Sometimes being in a safe place with someone who is holding that door for you can allow you to examine what happened, and for many people this is a useful tool in processing trauma. We can use EMDR, a therapy that targets memory and how it is stored in the body, to help release you from flashbacks, nightmares, or the pain of your experience. We can work on letting go of silence and shame. It means shifting from “something that happened” to “something that affected me.”
You are allowed to call it what it was. And you are allowed to go through a journey of healing at your own pace.
What Therapy Looks Like at Different Stages in Your Healing
This is not a linear process. The things you may need from a counselor in the immediate aftermath of an assault may be very different from what you need twenty plus years later. And what you need in one session may be different from the next. In the early stages, therapy often focuses on:
Establishing safety and stability
Coping strategies for intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, or anxiety
Creating a sense of control and emotional regulation
Later, therapy might look more like:
Processing specific memories or unresolved emotions
Exploring how trauma has shaped relationships, identity, or sexuality
Reconnecting with your body and building self-trust
I can work with you wherever you are on your journey. Some people come to counseling because they feel too much (flashbacks, unwanted memories, impacts on current relationships) and some because they feel too little (numbness, gaps in memory, issues with intimacy). Wherever you are and whatever you are facing, there’s no wrong time to begin.
Common Barriers to Seeking Therapy
Many survivors delay or avoid therapy - not because they don’t want to heal, but because the idea of opening up feels terrifying.
Some common barriers include:
Fear of not being believed or being dismissed
Concern that talking about it will make things worse
Worry about “making a big deal out of nothing”
Shame about the past or how you responded in the moment
Limitations on the availability of trauma-informed specialist therapists in your area
A good trauma informed counselor understands that therapy isn’t about reliving the trauma. It’s about building safety around it. It’s about identifying the sticking points in the healing journey and working towards goals in counseling that make sense for you. And you get to decide how much to share, how fast to go, and whether it’s the right time. The pace is yours.
How Therapy Can Help You Rebuild Your Relationship With Yourself
Sexual trauma can create a deep disconnection - from your body, your sense of safety, even your own instincts. Over time, therapy can help rebuild what was fractured.
This might look like:
Feeling safe in your body again
Trusting your gut and recognizing red flags
Releasing self-blame and reclaiming compassion
Reconnecting to emotions and physical sensations
Therapy doesn’t change what happened, but it can change how you live with it. You begin to feel more whole—not because you forget, but because you’re no longer carrying it alone.
Sex, Intimacy, and Healing in the Aftermath
For many survivors, sex becomes complicated after assault. You might feel disconnected, fearful, anxious, or numb. You might avoid intimacy entirely - or go through the motions, disconnected from your own desire. Some people cope by becoming hypersexual or engaging in compulsive sexual behaviors - perhaps trying to reclaim control or force their body to accept what happened.
Whatever the impact it’s important to remember that trauma disrupts the body’s ability to feel safe, and that can show up in all manner of ways.
Therapy can help you:
Identify what intimacy means to you now
Explore boundaries, preferences, and communication
Reclaim a sense of agency and pleasure in your body
Explore what, if any, of your sexual trauma you want to disclose to sexual partners
This part of healing is deeply personal. It’s not about “getting back to normal,” but about finding what’s right for you, now. Healing your sexual self is possible—and you get to define what that looks like.
How to Find the Right Therapist After Sexual Assault
I would love to help you. This work is my passion. But I may not be right for you. I can only help survivors in Oklahoma. I only do telehealth. I do not accept insurance. I realize these are barriers for many people.
Healing flows from the relationship you build with your therapist and not every therapist will be a good fit for you. Some people need someone calming, some people need someone who challenges and pushes them. If you are starting a healing journey, I encourage you not to limit yourself to the first person you find. Seek out consultations, specialists, and meet with them to see if they pass the ‘vibe’ check. Not every therapist is the right fit—and that’s okay. Finding someone you feel safe with can take time, but it’s a crucial part of healing.
I suggest you look for a therapist who:
Identifies as trauma-informed or specializes in trauma
Understands sexual assault dynamics without judgment
Prioritizes consent and pacing in every session
Gives you choice and voice in the therapeutic process
During an initial consultation, it’s okay to ask:
What’s your experience working with survivors?
How do you ensure safety and prevent retraumatization?
Can I move at my own pace?
You deserve a therapist who meets you where you are, not one who rushes or pressures you.
How Do I Know if I Need Therapy?
Whether the assault happened last week or years ago, whether you’re clear about what happened or just starting to question it, you deserve support. Some people want support because they are choosing to report their assault. Some people want support because they are working towards a trial. Some people have just grown tired of living with this pain. If anything still lingers - if it’s affecting your life, your relationships, or your sense of self - then it’s enough.
Therapy doesn’t require a tidy story. You don’t need to have it all figured out. You don’t even need the right words.
You can start with:
A feeling that something’s wrong
A memory that won’t leave you alone
A sense of disconnection from your body or emotions
Therapists trained in trauma understand that stories unfold slowly—and sometimes nonverbally. You are never required to tell more than you’re ready to. Healing is about building connection and safety, not proving your pain.
Healing doesn’t have a deadline. There is no “too late.” It’s about finding a place where you can be fully seen—without pressure, shame, or fear.
When you’re ready, that place exists. If you are interested in exploring working with me on sexual assault, whether recent or far in the past, you can schedule a free consultation. Below I also provide some resources in Oklahoma and beyond.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month : I have written a series of blogs through the month which may interest you.
Not Quite Assault, But Still Not Okay: Everyday Sexual Violations That Add Up
This blog dives into the subtle, often-overlooked ways women experience boundary violations—unwanted comments, pressure, and manipulation. It’s a call to name what we’re taught to dismiss and to recognize the long-term impact.
Sexual Abuse in Relationships: Why It’s So Hard to Name
Many survivors don’t recognize sexual abuse within a relationship right away. This post explores the confusion, pressure, and power dynamics that make it difficult to identify - and how healing begins with validation.
Oklahoma Resources
Oklahoma Safeline (24/7 Confidential Hotline):
1-800-522-SAFE (7233) — Help for sexual assault, domestic violence, and stalkingDVIS – Domestic Violence Intervention Services (Tulsa):
www.dvis.org | (918) 743-5763
Free and confidential services including counseling, shelter, and legal advocacyYWCA Oklahoma City Sexual Assault Services (Oklahoma City):
www.ywcaokc.org | (405) 943-7273
Offers sexual assault exams, advocacy, therapy, and shelterNew Directions (Lawton, OK):
www.marie-detty.org/new-directions | (580) 357-2500
Provides advocacy, shelter, and counseling for survivors of domestic and sexual violence
National Resources
National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN):
1-800-656-HOPE (4673) | www.rainn.org
24/7 free, confidential support from trained counselorsStrongHearts Native Helpline:
1-844-762-8483 | www.strongheartshelpline.org
Culturally-aligned support for Native American and Alaska Native survivors